It Almost Was, But Then It Wasn't
by onlyastoryteller
Summary: Expanded scene from S2:20, "What Is and What Should Never Be." When Dean leaves Sam in the dining room and goes out to the Impala, he doesn't leave to find the Djinn right away. He hesitates long enough for Sam to get dressed and join him. What happened during that time?


_A/N: Don't own, just for fun._

 _A/N2: Expanded scene from Season 2, Episode 20, "What Is and What Should Never Be." Spoilers accordingly._

 **It Almost Was, But Then It Wasn't**

Dean's greatest moment of doubt happens in the Impala.

Not when he's confronted with his wildest dreams: Mom alive, a beautiful girl who loves him, a normal life not filled with death and blood.

Sam…okay, so his relationship with Sam is not ideal. Dean flinches, remembering the way Sam had looked at him a few minutes earlier.

 _"That's Mom's silver," Sam said, the disappointment deepening his tone._

 _"Sam—" Dean began. He wasn't sure what he had been about to say._

 _"What, you…you broke into the house…to steal Mom's silver?" Sam was searching for some explanation, something to prove that Dean wasn't a complete waste of space. Dean could see it in his eyes, and it made a sickness bloom in his stomach._

 _"You want the truth?" Dean said. He wanted to tell Sam so badly. Tell him about the monsters, the job._

 _"Yeah. Yeah, I do," said Sam, chin jutting forward in a challenge._

 _And Dean couldn't do it. He couldn't tell Sammy about what lived in the darkness. This Sam was still an innocent. He still had access to the life he deserved. Dean wasn't about to ruin all that by pulling back the curtain. He had destroyed his brother's life one night in a ratty motel room in their other reality, and he couldn't bring himself to do it a second time._

 _He shrugged. "I owe somebody money," he lied. "A bookie. I lost big on a game, I gotta bring him the cash tonight."_

 _The sickness in Dean's gut exploded as Sam's face fell, turning into a mask of indifference._

 _"I can't believe we're even related," Sam said, his tone dull._

 _"Sam…" Dean stepped forward, reached out a hand, and then stopped. He let his hand drop back to his side and felt the defeat wash over him. "I'm sorry," he said._

 _"Yeah," said Sam. He voice was almost a whisper._

Dean shakes his head, and wipes the moisture away from his eyes at the near-memory. His brother thinks he's a common criminal, a loser who would steal from his own mother, and he can't do anything to correct that.

But Sam is happy. He's with Jess, he's studying to be a hotshot lawyer, all the things that had been yanked away from him in their other reality. Dean can stand the lack of closeness if Sam is happy. And, over time, he is sure he can get them back to where they should be.

Truthfully, it's only the body count that gives him pause.

He isn't one to worry about collateral damage, ordinarily. He kills – killed – the monsters, and anything else that got in his way. The way Dean figures it, he was ahead in the final tallies. He had saved more people than he hadn't.

Of course, in this new reality, that isn't true. Dean hasn't saved anyone. Hundreds, thousands of people, have died because he, and his father, and Sam, were not there to do anything about it.

Why should that be his problem? Someone else can be the hero, for once.

Or Dean could. He could start hunting now. He's got the know-how, the experience. He just needs equipment. It wouldn't be the great, safe life he has, but he could make a difference.

And…Sam can be happy.

Dean swallows and rests his forehead against the steering wheel. He's going to make a decision in ten seconds, he decides.

 _Ten._ Mom's alive, Sam's happy, Carmen is great.

 _Nine._ All those people. All those people are now dead.

 _Eight._ Let someone else be the hero for once. He's done his time.

 _Seven._ Dad – the version of Dad he had known – would be furious if he knew.

 _Six._ Sam will probably save more people as a lawyer.

 _Five_. Faces of those he had saved began to swim in his mind.

 _Four._ Jess. Jess is saved in this reality.

 _Three._ Besides, he can start now. New tally, starting tonight. He'd go back home, start researching, catch a case. He'd figure out how to explain it to Carmen.

 _Two._ He doesn't have to save Sammy or kill him in this reality. Sammy is already safe.

 _One._

The passenger door opens, and Sam slides in, his jaw clenched. Dean blinks at him.

Dean shakes his head. Decision time.

"Get out of the car," he says.

"I'm going with you," says Sam, staring straight ahead.

Dean gapes at his brother. His soft, innocent, naïve brother.

"You're just gonna slow me down," he says.

"Tough," says Sam.

Dean feels the grin creeping onto his face. This stubborn Sam…this is _his_ Sam.

"This is dangerous and you could get hurt," says Dean.

"Yeah, and so could you, Dean."

Dean can hear the defiance and rebellion in his tone.

"Sam—" he begins, but his brother cuts him off.

"Look, whatever stupid thing you're about to do, you're not doing it alone. And that's that." Sam crosses his arms across his chest, his jaw set, determined.

Dean can't believe it. He was so sure that the look on his brother's face in the dining room was a death blow to their relationship. He was so sure that, if he decided to stay, he'd be fighting monsters on his own.

"I don't understand," he murmurs. "Why are you doing this?"

Sam sighs, and finally looks at Dean, his eyes dark and liquid in the glow of the streetlights. "Because you're still my brother."

 _Even though you're a dick._ The unsaid phrase hung in the air between them.

Dean lets the grin bloom across his features. "Bitch," he says.

Sam's eyes widen. "What are you calling me a bitch for?"

"You're supposed to say, 'jerk.'"

"What?"

Dean shakes his head. "Never mind," he says.

He puts the Impala in gear.

Sam isn't safe. He'll never be safe, because this reality has monsters, as sure as their reality did. This Sam is just as stubborn and focused as his Sam. And since Dean can't resist jumping back into the fight, the inevitability of their path opens up in front of him, clear as the road under the Impala's headlights.


End file.
